Saturday, May 3, 2014


The warmth of an individuals embrace

A moment of comfort

A way to say hello
I'm sorry

A term defined as:

to squeeze (someone) tightly in one's arms, typically to express affection.

There is more power in a single hug

then there will ever be in a thousand words. 

I have experienced all sorts of strangely amazing hugs this week.

Hugs from old familiar faces

Hugs from people I love deeply

Quick side hugs

The memory of a hug.

Hugs from people I have watched grow up.

Hugs from a child

Hugs from a hero.

A sad hug.

A happy hug.

A hug that felt safe.

I'm not one to normally wear my emotions on my sleeve...

or in my back pocket at that...

I usually keep them locked in a safe that was dropped 
 in the Arctic Ocean 
under a thick covering of ice.

Safe from the world in a place where they will not be hurt, nor heard.

A catastrophic series of events occured this week which resulted in

the global warming of my soul

The ice covering melted away. 

An anchor pulled up that safe 

The safe that contains my feelings

Here they are

the stream of tears will not stop for more then a few hours

I have felt them all- even if for a split second.

I have spoken words that my pride would devour.

All I long for is for one of those amazing hugs I received to last a little longer.

My dogs don't have arms.

Here I am. 

for a hug.

There are more wishes then stars

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

In a Moment Everything can Change.

If words could describe all of the thoughts running through my head I feel as if they might still fall short.

Here I am listening to songs over and over again

Reading quotes on how to live in the moment.

Talking about how you need to say what you need to say when you feel it

Because that moment is all that you can count on

Because you don't know who you might loose tomorrow

Then I wake up-
to find out that one of my heroes, one of my mentors, and a person who has influenced my life in more ways then I could EVER possibly thank---

In the blink of an eye.

She is superwoman.

This isn't possible.

She was a hero and someone that so so many girls looked up to.

I find my mind running through all the times I disappointed her.  

Remembering the times that she hugged me and I could feel that she was proud of me. 

The opportunities she gave me to step up who I was and be a leader

The after school talks we had when all she wanted to know was if I was okay

Did I thank her enough
Did I write her enough cards to tell her she changed my life?
Did she know what an impact she truly made?

The amount of laughs we had way too early in the morning and knowing that the more hours I spent in that room the better my day went are just memories now.

I owe her...
She created a second family for me.  A group of girls I would do anything for.  
Creating a space where I felt like it was okay to be me
A place where the more outside of the box I thought the more unique the art became.
A place where it was okay to make mistakes and trip and fall because I kicked a little too hard
or spun a little too quick. 

I owe her...
For all of the times she told me I was better then that. 
For ignoring my lack of technique and believing in my passion.
For all of those times she forgave me for falling short, smiled, and hugged me. 

She IS a part of me. A part of my heart, my soul, and my passion.

It's amazing the impact one human can make in your life.  
The difference a little belief and a lot of love can make on a girl that is lost and confused by everything the world is throwing at her. 

Without her I wouldn't be me.  

I want to write her one more card.  I want to tell her one more time.
 Thank you for changing my life.
Thank you for opening my eyes to who I could be.

I wanted her to see me in 5 years....
and to give me that same smile and hug me 
and let me know that I had done okay.  

I wanted to show her that all the extra time and love she gave me was not a waste.
Or given to a lost cause.
That she was the inspiration behind it all.  
That I wanted to be her and pay it forward to more kids like me. 
Give them a judgmental free place to be themselves and find their passion.

I was so excited for that moment.

I guess that's what they mean by this moment is all you are guaranteed.

Life is a lesson.  
The lessons I learned in that room under her wing have helped me everyday.  
metaphorically and literally

I love you Queen Stoddard. 

I love the person you've helped me become.  
I will still show you someday.
I will try to be a little bit more like you everyday
 as you live on
in my heart 
and my soul.

"Those who glide dance on blistered feet"